“Lose weight” The ‘heal-all solution’

Got the flu – Lose weight
Got a broken arm – Lose weight
Eye sight is getting worse – Lose weight

Quite sure that many of you out there have heard the same bullshit no matter what the problem was that brought you to the doctor in the first place. It is crazy how much people get reduced to the numbers on the scales. Yes I know all the important stuff. I know that high weight IS dangerous and unhealthy. I know that many of the problems that I have are caused by my weight.

The problem is, if you enter the doctor’s office and ALL they see is your weight, you might be really sick but aren’t helped because ‘losing weight’ is what apparently cures everything. I could go on a long rant about how overweight people can be as healthy as thin people can be unhealthy and all that stuff we’ve heard a million times. The simple plea that I keep bringing up to my doctors is:

“Take my issues seriously. If I tell you I am coming down with a cold, a flu, constant headaches, pain… check me up. Pretend I’m not the fattest person you’ve ever seen and check me for my bloody symptoms. Don’t tell me I’m fat, because guess what, I have mirrors, I see myself every day, I feel my weight every day, every doctor in my life has told me, every person side eyeing me on the street has in one way or the other told me – I KNOW. You are not giving me news. The news I want from YOU as my doctor is how to get rid of being sick.

Alright now to the sunshine part of this post. I have found a doctor who surprisingly took three whole sittings until he even hinted at my weight. I wanted to cry. It felt so good to be taken seriously, to not be looked at like that fat person who will be cured with less kilos on her body, a smaller number on a scale. That doctor is my diabetologist, and I have promised almost a year ago to tell you about this positive experience.

I went to this doctor because my old diabetologist would have taken several month to even get me on his schedule despite dangerously high hba1c results in my blood test back in October. Not for one second I have regretted the change. My new diabetologist is the first doctor in my now 38 year old life to not say “You have to lose weight” the first time he opens his mouth. We started my treatment for my diabetes right away. I got pills, got some other things for injections to test and when they didn’t work we tried something else.

In our third sitting he right out said “Listen, I’m not going to tell you to lose weight because I’m sure you know all that and everyone has told you.” It was a real honest laugh between us. He also said “I know I can’t tell you anything that makes it easier either, because let’s face it, I have no idea what you’re going through.” He is skin and bones and knows it. He doesn’t pretend to know the tiniest bit. And I love him for it. We still talked about what I tried, what I did not want to try (Surgery, I have huge panic attacks just thinking of it – not healthy), and what I could try.

So far nothing helped but that is not the point of this post, I’ll talk about that later. The point is, this man is taking me seriously, he is seeing me as a human being. And as a fat person who spent most of her life around doctors telling her that she is only worth proper attention when she is thin… that is the most precious thing a doctor could have given me.

Do you have experiences like this? What do you do when your doctor sees losing weight as the one stop heal? Have you found a doctor that sends them all to hell and sees you as a human who needs their help? Tell me about it down in the comments!

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#doctors, #fat, #lose-weight, #medical-stuff, #weight-loss

Doing it again

About a week ago two lovely friends of mine started to help me with this accountability thing. Every day I tell them how I did with my calories and I really don’t want to tell them that I went over. You know how that is with disappointing people you love. That means I started again to fill my food diary every day.

I am not sure how long it took, because my last weigh-in had been sometime in the week before that, but since then until now I have lost 3.5kg. And that makes me super excited!

Yesterday I dyed my hair so my muscles hurt like a mother from standing in that unusual position while bending over the shower to wash out the dye, so I can barely move. But after that I want to start to move again. Well slowly since that already had taken a lot ouf of me. When I walk from here across the hallway to the showers and back I am all powered out. So I’ll start with that hallway at least once a day and gradually step it up. My first goal is to be able to take these walks around the block again, which right now I can’t. And I know that if I start with that now, I will get so frustrated with it and myself that I’ll stop again.

So the start is done. On we go!

 

#health, #motivation, #overweight, #weight-loss

I suck

… and not in the good way. (Yes, I had to, sorry, not sorry.)

Well you might remember my post about excuses and my realization that I’m making them. I still do and more than ever, I think. I have completely dropped off the horse. And I am not actually giving myself reasons, so am I really making excuses? In any way… I have not put anything in my food diary. I have given a damn how much I eat and what and that’s awful. Have I given up?

I hope not, because I have a long way to go and I can’t just give up. I have always been a fighter and I still am. So why does it feel so tempting to just not give a f…fudgesickle? Maybe because it’s easier than to restrain myself and work for it?

Could anyone please move to Berlin and drag myself out on the streets for at least 15 minutes a day so I can at least complain about hurting muscles as a reason not to go out? I have to do something, but I just can’t be arsed. Depression makes it harder and this is not an excuse, it’s actually a fact. I’m having a hard time, but try to ignore it. Just doesn’t make things easier.

I have to give a damn. I have to get back up. I feel the mountain is too big to climb, maybe I’ll start with the first alpine hut instead of the mountain top. No too far… maybe the door of the flat for starters. Then the end of the hallway. Then to the staircase… babysteps. Maybe that’s less overwhelming and scary.

Maybe.

#excuses, #failure, #habits, #health, #motivation, #not-giving-up, #overweight, #overwhelmed, #self-care, #truth, #weight-loss

The truth hurts

For a long time I have made excuses for many things without even noticing I made them. It began as truthful explanations like that I couldn’t do something because it caused me big pain. It is still true but many times I use it to not even try.

It’s comfortable to have the right reason for not doing something. Because I know the pain that will come when I walk for 2 minutes I don’t even start. Because I think I will fall from the horse I stopped getting up on it’s back.

Two days ago I started writing down my food again. Day 1 went well. Today I went over a little and because of that my mind went all “well now I’m over anyway so I can eat more.” and I did… Another excuse.

It would be so easy just to blame something else. Genetics, other people, medicine, society, sickness,  depression…
Don’t get me wrong. Everything in this list is a valid reason.
But many times it is so much easier to use one of those reasons as an excuse instead of admitting that we fucked up. Which to be honest is really shitty for the times when these reasons are really the reason why things went wrong.

So today I’m standing (who am I kidding, I’m laying in bed) here and say that thing that hurts. The truth. I’m using excuses because I’m scared that if I try, I’ll fail. And not doing something because of fear of failing doesn’t give a damn that it causes auto-fail. It’s illogical like that.

So what to do next? Stop making excuses? Let’s be real. This shit is harder to beat than Muhammad Ali. To be honest, I have no clue. I’m stuck and haven’t the foggiest how to get out. No clue, no control, no anything. So all that is left is keep trying, I guess.

#excuses, #habits, #health, #overweight, #truth, #weight-loss

Sharing a quote

I just saw this on one of my social networks and thought I’d share it.

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#health, #motivation, #weight-loss

Mirrors suck

I keep thinking that almost every time I go outside. So first let me say, not all mirrors are the enemy. I have exactly 1 mirror in my apartment, a really small one on face height that I do not see anything but my face in. I like my face mostly so that one can stay.

But when I go outside I walk along a hallway right ahead towards a really big glass front, which shows my reflection as soon as it is dim lit outside. Then the lift to go down has a full wall mirror at the side, and stepping out of it the house door is glass as well.

When I went down to get our mail, I was in the lift two times and gosh I was getting really depressed. To not see that mirror reflection i have to stand with the back to it, facing the operation panel, which usually is not a problem but I often in a reflex stand facing the door and then I see it in the corner of my eye and can’t ignore it. I looked at myself and all I could see was this huge pile of fat. Rolls showed clearly under my shirt, in the back in the front, all around, under my chin, my arms: everywhere.

I honestly felt disgusted by looking at myself. That has not stopped yet, though had been like 4 days ago. Problem is that when I get depressed and disgusted like that, I get obviously emotional and I’m an emotional eater. So the last few days I went a “bit” overboard eating wise again, despite my best intention to watch it again. So much for that.

So those who know that kind of situation know, just as me, that telling me to not do it and that this makes it worse…. it doesn’t work! I know that already. Not saying anything new. That’s the thing. I know all the good things, the benefits, the how tos. But if it were that easy everyone would be healthy and thin. Just saying.

So at the moment I’m still struggling and really do not want to see another mirror in my life.

#failure, #overweight, #weight-loss

More experiments, starring Avocado

So the other day I mentioned that I had my first Avocado ever. Today I had my second, because I wanted to experiment a little bit more. A couple of days ago someone on a multimedia platform linked to a recipe that sounded like the perfect breakfast or supper to me. So today I tried it.

The recipe I am talking about is for Egg Stuffed Avocado and you can find it here. It is really easy, just half it, remove the pit, make some more room, put the egg in and whoosh into the oven. I added a bit of diced bacon for some salty taste and it was wonderful! And wow, I was so stuffed after this – totally didn’t expect that.

I actually am starting to get a taste for avocados. Problem with that is, that they are hella expensive. 1.50€ (that’s about 1.62 $) for just one avocado. For that we can buy several items of something else. But maybe every now and then we can get one, as a treat so to say.

Now I have a broccoli sitting here waiting for more experimenting. Maybe tomorrow! 🙂

#eating-habits, #health, #overweight, #recipe, #weight-loss