Butt Hymns, over the moon and the wait begins

ah, you’ve read that right. My butt is singing hymns right now. I got a new chair.

While I was on the old and hard chair without backrest for not even a full week, my back and ass hurt so much I thought I will never be able to sit any more. But the wait is over. I didn’t want to risk another part breaking right after a repair so I ordered a new chair and it arrived today. Hooray. I had a full upper body workout while I put that thing together, but it was worth it 😀

But wait there is more! Tuesday was my second nutrition class and I had to hand in my nutrition and exercise records. After reminding the lovely nutritionist that I don’t have to wait the 6 months and that it is the last thing I need for my paperwork, she was kind enough to stay for a bit longer and went through it with me. In her words, I am doing very well and got a gold star. It’s all marked as good and she is handing it in at the adipositas center for me.


We did a couple of Thera-band exercises this time and it was hard for me. I went slower and with less repetitions but I did my best to do something. Hell, yeah!

Also, we had a weigh-in, as every month to our nutrition class and I have lost 5 kilos during the last 30 days. I am quite over the moon. Since my first consultation on December 22nd, I have lost 8 kilos (17.6 lbs) through changing my diet and getting up from my chair a few more times (since I can’t do real exercise yet). I’m incredibly happy and proud of myself.

I’ve been asked what my changes in diet consist of. Basically, I decreased my carb intake drastically and if I eat them it’s like whole grain and such. I substituted potatoes, rice, and noodles with vegetable alternatives like cauliflower, zucchini, broccoli etc. I’m focussing on protein like meat, fish and such. I always loved veggies, I’m eating even more of that now. When I want snacks it’s veggies or cheese, or an egg – Haven’t eaten potato chips for over a month. Stuff like that. So basically Protein first, veggies second, carbs as little as possible. And then of course 2.5 – 5 litre of water a day. Every now and then I am drinking a protein shake instead of a meal, usually when I am too lazy to make a meal lol

Another change was that I keep up with the whole mindful eating. I eat slower, chew while counting to 25, wait between bites and the most important change is that I made the portions smaller after I realized that slow eating made me full faster.

It sounds easy but it did cost some willpower. I hope to get as close to 200kg before surgery as I can. Right now I am at 206.9. Depending on how much time I have, it should be doable. No idea if you notice it, but the outlook for surgery and the life change coming with it alone is doing wonders for my mood and depression. I’m bloody excited! 🙂

In other news, my paperwork is now on the way to the Adipositas Centre of the clinic where I’ll have my surgery. They’ll put everything together and send it off to the insurance. So all I can do now is wait!

There are one two things I want to talk about while I wait for my letter from the insurance. So keep your eyes peeled for another blog post soon! Until then, stay awesome!


Another one bites the dust

Some of you may remember that a bit more than half a year ago, I got a new chair that I could finally lean back in. Last night while playing some Overwatch I leaned back and it kept leaning and leaning until I was halfway on the floor. It took all my strength and willpower to get out of the chair without rolling all the way down onto the ground. I’d never have gotten up from there on my own again!

So I am back on my old, hard, backrest less chair. I checked out the damage on the other chair. It looks like I found a weak spot, it is like a clean cut.

I’m going to contact the merchant and see if they have the parts of the chair independently so I won’t have to buy a whole new chair. But if not, then that’s what I’ll have to do. I can’t stay on this hard thing for long. It’s only been one day and my back is screaming.

So when that happend I was super depressed. And usually I would have gone to the kitchen and raided the fridge for the next few hours. That is what I did the last few times my chairs collapsed. This time I put the chair away, got the old one, sat down and killed more enemies in Overwatch. Not a single bit of food has been eaten after that happened. And I went to bed hours later still without binging or even thinking about food. That’s what surprised me both. I did not think about food AT ALL.

So in that little dark moment, I had a little big victory of my own and I’m super proud of that.

Also today I got mail from my parents who bought me some pants and T-Shirts that are only a little bit too small right now but will be perfect once I’m out of surgery for a little while. So I’m exicted to have clothing ready after losig some weight 🙂

One step closer

Yesterday I got another step further in my journey to WLS. I had my gastroscopy to check if everything is okay with my stomach and intestines. I thought that I could post a bit of a more detailed account of that, for me and maybe for someone else who is curious. If you just want to know about the result, scroll to the second to last paragraph! 🙂

If you know me, you are aware that I’m a nightowl, sleeping at day, getting active at night. So having to get up at 5:30 am was horrid, but I managed. It was the first time in ages that I went out and still could see the moon outside.


In my effort not to come too late, I was actually almost an hour early. It gave me enough time to read the paperwork they gave me properly and make sure I didn’t miss anything. I was the envy of the other patients, because in contrast to the hard stretchers they got, I had a cozy and soft hospital bed, because I’m too heavy for the stretchers. It was so comfortable that I almost fell asleep on the spot. It was really early for me after all.

Then the fun began. I was asked where my doctor usually gets my blood drawn. So I told them, right back of the hand. The nurse didn’t like that and wanted to try the ‘regular’ spots first. Told her that my veins are shy and even if she thinks she has one nobody has been able to actually get something from them. Apparently she didn’t believe me and after attempts on 3 different locations she finally went to my left hand and surprise – not – she got blood right away. So she cannulated my hand, for the drugs to make me sleep.


I went back to waiting, because there was another patient inside the gastroscopy room before me. I got a really cute hospital gown though, and I was super duper thrilled that they actually had one in my size. I never get anything in my size. I’m a EU size 68  (I think it’s like 38 US, not sure) so that was really special. It even had some more room in it. Look at these cute little smileys (it’s the logo of the Hospital).


Either way after some waiting I was wheeled into the room and prepared with the same questions I had gotten several times already in the last hour. Made me wonder why I fill out the paperwork if they ask me anyway, but I didn’t mind to keep my mind from wandering. We joked around for a while, which was nice too and I had the exciting moment of hearing that my blood pressure was ‘perfect’.

The big moment came with the doctor entering, showing me the tooks he’d be using and explaining the procedure. I remember the nurse pushing the drug into my hand (didn’t feel that hooray) and she told me that I’d feel weird in my head. I did only a second later and because I already had the mouth piece in and couldn’t talk I did a lasso with my hand as a sign that I’m getting dizzy.

I expected to have time and that I would notice to feel more tired. But one moment I was there wide awake, laughing at the nurse’s jokes, watching the doctor to pull the tube out of its plastic wrap… and the next moment I wake up and saw I had been out for an hour.

Other than a bit of dizziness in the start I didn’t have any problems of after/side effects. And according to the nurses I was surprisingly quick to get back on my feet. Only 10 minutes after waking up initially I was out in the waiting room to get my results.

Back at home I eventually started to feel tired so I napped away several hours but I felt really well, still do. And my stomach seems to be great, nothing should be in the way of surgery based on my stomach at least. I’m glad to know that.

Next week I have to hand in my nutrition diary for the last two weeks and hand in the paperwork I collected. It’s so close. Cross your fingers that thing will progress quickly from then on 🙂


Progress is being made

I am here! And as the title says I am making progress towards my Weight Loss Surgery and it’s in same parts exciting and overwhelming.

I had my first nutrition class, which was great. We are a group of only 5 women, all pre-OP, and a lovely nutritionist who patiently answered all questions and listened to concerns.

If you went through the surgery you know there are about a million things that will change in your life, and that can be overwhelming. It’s not only eating habits, it’s emotional, hormonal, your body has to get used to less weight, new balancing, and not to forget your head will still believe you can eat all the things. And then you need to eat differently healthy than other people, add on exercise you never thought you will be able to do, deal with stuff like possible jealousy that other people can eat normal, the feeling of loss of the food you love and and and – all while you get a new chance at life and being able to do things.

Phew that’s a handful. And sometimes you get the weird thought in your head that you are alone in this, even if you are definitely not. And to see the other women having the exact same reactions that you try to limit to your head to not look like an idiot is just wonderful.

Don’t get me wrong. I am excited about the surgery and about the following weight loss, being able to do new things, living longer, even the shopping for new clothes because the old one don’t fit any more (I hate shopping, so being excited about that is weird but great). BUT I am very aware of how hard it’ll be. I go in with open eyes but ready for the good parts, so I’m willing to go through the parts my fat self would describe as bad.

So the class is started, my blood tests have been made, my doctor wrote his supporting letter, and I have my gastroscopy in two weeks. I only have to write my personal letter, and hand in my exercise and food protocols at the next nutrition class mid February. Then I’m done. Thats everything I’ll need to hand in the request at the insurance and that’s something the Adipositas Center does for me.

I am waiting for the obstacles being thrown in my way. Well I had one, no internist could take me on for the gastroscopy, because their examination tables have a weight limit that is too low for me. After I had almost given up and asked the Adipositas Center and the Clinic where I’ll have my surgery for help, I received an email from another Clinic with an Adipositas Center who were willing and able to do the procedure in only 2 weeks. So that little obstacle is out of my way. I never had a tube down my throat ever, so I am a bit nervous about it, but it’ll be fine.

Food wise I still am forming my new habits, sometimes slipping but mostly doing well with the whole chewing and eating slowly. I am still limiting my carbs and sugar intake. I compared my diabetes diary. Before I started I easily ate up to 20 Bread Units (240gr carbs) a day. With the changes I have made the highest day was 5BU (60 gr carbs) and that was once, usually it is between 0 and 3.5 BU (0-42gr carbs). For someone who just LOVES pizza, potatoes, noodles and rice that is impressive. I am proud of myself for that.

So much for this right now. I’ll write another post soon and keep you up to date.

Is there anything you are curious about or want to know from me? Feel free to drop a comment below and let’s talk. 🙂


Going in strong

So yesterday was my lab appointment. The blood draw was more annoying as usual, but it was okay.

I got what I love to call shy veins. Even if you think you got a wood one, it hides out as soon as the needle appears. I have had this happening since I was a little girl, so over 30 years. In that time I have learned where blood can be drawn and were not. So before it happens at a new office, I usually tell them so they don’t have to fight with my veins. And of course – what do I know? – they don’t listen and ram that needle into several locations not getting anything until they try where I said it would work and surprise surprise it works! This time it was only the 6th attempt, so could have been worse.

Since I don’t want to change my doctor for the whole journey of this surgery, they are going to send the lab reports to the Clinic right away so I won’t have to worry about anything in that department anymore.

Monday is my appointment with my regular diabetologist/main doctor. I saw him briefly on Friday to get a referral to that lab for the blood draw and I rarely had him see him being so excited to see me. Since the surgery was his idea, I think I got a very excited doctor on my back now 😉
And Tuesday my nutrition course will start. I am looking forward to that. I also still need to find a doctor who can do the gastroscopy for someone of my weight. I found an office not far from here, so I’ll be calling them to find out if they have the proper equipment. Cross your fingers!

Shit’s getting real

I knew that as soon as the new year is here things would start rolling, though it feels like it’s all at once now lol

Today I received an email to confirm my lab appointment for bloodwork on Friday morning, after that I got an appointment at my diabetologist’s office for Monday morning and when I thought that’s enough for now, I received an email with my first date for the nutrition course, which will be next week Tuesday evening.

So, things are starting and I’m buzzing with a mix of excitement and nervousness. So the usual. 😉

I’ll be groggy af, but I can’t wait to get started!

Happy New Year! And what I have learned so far

first of all, Happy new year to everyone! I hope that this squeaky clean 2018 will bring you a lot of joy, happiness, love, and health!

In the last 1.5 weeks, I have learned a lot. Not about the surgery, I have read so much about it, and heard so much from my doctors that I feel I can operate myself lol Okay I promise, I won’t! I’ll leave that to the skilled surgeon’s hands.

I have learned about me and my habits. Let me tell you what I have learned. You might recognise some things yourself.

  1. My habits are awful. They have been awful for 38 years. It will take more than a week and a half to turn them around 180°C. You gotta be patient and not give up.
  2. I actually have the ability to feel full! It came as a total surprise to me and up to this day, I call it magic. I now know that my wolfing down of food lead to me not feeling full ever. I also drank a lot during my meals so my food just fell through and bye! I didn’t give my body the time.
  3. I can eat small bites and chew them a lot. My jaw hates me for it right now, because I use muscles a lot I have never used much. But they’ll get used to it.
  4. I can eat slowly. Before a week and a half ago, my dinner lasted 5 minutes tops. No matter how much I had on my plate. Just today it took me 30 minutes to eat a salad. I LOVE Salad, always did. But they were usually gone in a handful of minutes. I just have to really focus on it, otherwise, I forget to watch it. That is why it failed the times before when I tried. I didn’t focus.
  5. I am blessed with support from all sides. You know how that is if you got depression (or even without), that you often feel alone like you are going through things on your own. I have told friends about the surgery and I have gotten nothing but support and that makes me incredibly happy. Basically, there is at least one person in each time zone so no matter the time of day or night, there is someone who will listen and cheer me on or kick my ass if needed.
  6. I really want this. I know what I said before and the fear isn’t gone. But I am in a lot of pain lately when I do the simplest things. I can’t stand for more than a few minutes before pain sets in. Today while watching the fireworks at midnight, I made it to 20 minutes but was in a lot of pain in my back and legs. And I stood there, watching the sparkle in the air and said to my love “Next year at this time I’ll be able to stand and enjoy this instead of focusing on the pain in my back.” Next year I’ll be able to bind my shoes in a moment without an hour long planning, I will be able to shower and fit through the doors without squeezing and without being out of breath just from the walk to and standing in the shower. I will be able to do things that are normal. I want this so much it makes me cry. This is the right thing to do.

So yeah that was a long 1.5 weeks full of revelations and surprises. Can’t wait to see what else is going to happen.

Happy new year!