Mirrors suck

I keep thinking that almost every time I go outside. So first let me say, not all mirrors are the enemy. I have exactly 1 mirror in my apartment, a really small one on face height that I do not see anything but my face in. I like my face mostly so that one can stay.

But when I go outside I walk along a hallway right ahead towards a really big glass front, which shows my reflection as soon as it is dim lit outside. Then the lift to go down has a full wall mirror at the side, and stepping out of it the house door is glass as well.

When I went down to get our mail, I was in the lift two times and gosh I was getting really depressed. To not see that mirror reflection i have to stand with the back to it, facing the operation panel, which usually is not a problem but I often in a reflex stand facing the door and then I see it in the corner of my eye and can’t ignore it. I looked at myself and all I could see was this huge pile of fat. Rolls showed clearly under my shirt, in the back in the front, all around, under my chin, my arms: everywhere.

I honestly felt disgusted by looking at myself. That has not stopped yet, though had been like 4 days ago. Problem is that when I get depressed and disgusted like that, I get obviously emotional and I’m an emotional eater. So the last few days I went a “bit” overboard eating wise again, despite my best intention to watch it again. So much for that.

So those who know that kind of situation know, just as me, that telling me to not do it and that this makes it worse…. it doesn’t work! I know that already. Not saying anything new. That’s the thing. I know all the good things, the benefits, the how tos. But if it were that easy everyone would be healthy and thin. Just saying.

So at the moment I’m still struggling and really do not want to see another mirror in my life.

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#failure, #overweight, #weight-loss